A man escapes from prison, where he has been for 15 years. He breaks
into a house to look for money and guns, and finds a young couple in
bed. He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair. While tying
the girl to the bed, he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets
up and goes into the bathroom.
While he’s in there, the husband tells his wife: “Listen, this guy’s an
escaped convict, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in
jail and hasn’t seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck.
If he wants sex, don’t resist, don’t complain, do whatever he tells
you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is
probably very dangerous. If he gets angry, he’ll kill us. Be strong,
honey. I love you.”
His wife responds, “He wasn’t kissing my neck. He was whispering in my
ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked me if we
had any Vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I
love you too!”
Why should blonde women have all the jokes!
A blonde guy gets home early from work and hears strange noises coming from the bedroom. He rushes upstairs to find his wife naked in bed and panting.
“What’s happening??” he anxiously asks.
“I’m having a HEART ATTACK!” cries his wife
He rushes downstairs to the phone but as he is dialilng his 4 year old son comes up and yells, “Daddy Daddy! Uncle Ted’s hiding in your closet ahd he’s got NO CLOTHES ON!”
The blonde husband slams down the phond and storms upstairs, into the bedroom, past his wife and rips open the closet door. Sure enough there’s his brother totally naked, cowering on the closet floor.
“YOU ROTTEN SOB!”, The blonde husband yells, ” MY WIFES HAVING A HEART ATTACKAND YOU’RE RUNNING AROUND NAKED SCARING THE KIDS!”